Dearest Friends,
In our last gathering, we concluded our exploration of the Five Remembrances by turning our attention to the Fifth: “My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.”
At first, this Remembrance may sound like an anthem for the contemporary understanding of agency—the belief that we can shape how life will turn out for as long as we try hard enough. Yet as many of us have discovered through lived experience, an inflated belief in agency can become a profound source of anxiety, stress and suffering. This inflation is driven by many causes and conditions in our modern world, including but not limited to the following:
- The Myth of the Grind: Modern workplaces often frame success as the result of zeal, effort and dedication. The story goes: If you work hard enough, you’ll move up the career ladder. Yet structural forces—e.g., economic conditions, systemic inequalities, social networks, etc.—remain beyond our grasp. When the results people get at work don’t match the efforts they’ve put in, they can suffer by blaming themselves—or being blamed—for what was never theirs to control.
- The Culture of Self-Improvement: Popular psychology often asserts that with the right mindset, the correct affirmations or the latest evidence-based “life hacks,” we can overcome any obstacle. While personal growth practices can be empowering and invaluable, they sometimes foster the illusion that inner will alone can bend outer reality. When life resists our efforts—as it inevitably does—this narrative can leave us feeling inadequate, as though failure reflects shortcomings in our spirit rather than the limits of human control.
- The Lure of Technology: Contemporary gadgets, devices and apps reinforce the delusion that life can be endlessly optimized. We’re told to track our sleep, monitor our calories, count our steps, track our productivity and so on and so forth. But quantifying, managing and regulating what we do only gives us an illusion of control. All too often, life doesn’t conform to the metrics we desire.
In the face of all of the above, the Fifth Remembrance can serve as a vital antidote. It reminds us that we own our actions—but we don’t control and can’t guarantee the results. Said another way, we can plant proverbial seeds, but it’s the weather and numerous other factors that decide the quantity and the quality of the harvest. By recognizing what is and isn’t ours to control, the Fifth Remembrance frees us from false or inflated responsibility. We can act with clarity, compassion and wisdom—and release our attachment to the results.
SUGGESTED PRACTICE:
Sit quietly and attend to your breath for a few minutes with your gaze lowered or your eyes closed. When you’re ready, bring to mind a recent moment of anxiety, frustration or stress. Maybe traffic made you late for an overdue medical appointment. Maybe your Internet connection conked out at a crucial work meeting. Whatever the situation was, notice the impulse to control the situation, to engineer an outcome or to fix the problem. Notice what it’s like in your mind, in your heart and in your body when you’re caught in the grip of this compulsion to control.
Now with a sense of gentle interest and curiosity, silently ask yourself: What was truly within my influence in that moment? Then remind yourself of the Fifth Remembrance: My actions are my only true belongings. Allow this phrase to soften the edges of your anxiety, frustration or stress. Feel the relief of releasing what was never yours to command. Rest in the clarity of what is yours: your action, your choice, your response.
RECOMMENDED POEMS:
REFLECTION PROMPTS:
- How might recognizing the limits of your agency shift your experience of daily life?
- Where in your life do you feel burdened by false responsibility and how might today’s teaching lighten that load?
- In what ways can the Fifth Remembrance help you live with a greater sense of freedom, ease and well-being?
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