Dearest Friends,

It’s always a gift to gather in shared reflection with all of you.

In our ongoing exploration of The Five Remembrances, we turned to the Third Remembrance in our last session: the truth of dying. The Upajjhatthana Sutta reminds us with stark clarity that we are of the nature to die; we cannot escape death.

While death has always existed alongside life, our relationship with it in contemporary times is far more fraught compared to previous eras. Below are some of the causes and conditions that complicate death in modernity:

• The Medicalization of Death: In many societies, death has shifted from the home to the hospital. Instead of being surrounded by family, people often pass away in intensive care units, attached to machines that prolong life but sometimes obscure the natural process of dying. For example, an elderly patient may spend their final weeks intubated and sedated, with loved ones allowed only brief visits. This clinical environment can make death feel alien, rather than a natural continuation of life.
• The Burden of Choice: Unlike in the Buddha’s time—where death was largely accepted as a natural inevitability—many people today face complex choices about how and when to die. For example, patients with terminal illnesses have to decide between pursuing aggressive treatments that prolong life (but diminish its quality) or entering hospice care. In some countries, medical aid in dying is even legally available. Enhanced agency over dying has turned death into an emotional, financial, moral and spiritual dilemma rather than a natural passage—and the decision-making process can saddle individuals and their families with profound anxiety, dread and guilt.
• Cultural Denial and Social Isolation: Many modern societies prize youth and vitality, treating illness and (early) death as failures and shortcomings. Conversations about mortality are avoided, leaving many unprepared when it arrives. Traditional communal mourning practices have also eroded, replaced by shortened bereavement leaves and pressures to “move on.” Bereaved individuals may find themselves alone after the funeral, with friends and colleagues unsure of how to offer their support—resulting in grief that’s privatized rather than shared.
• Economic and Social Inequities: Access to dignified dying is unequal. Those with wealth can afford palliative care or home nursing, while those without it face overcrowded hospitals or an absence of support altogether. The financial strain of medical bills often overshadows the grieving process. Global mobility also fragments families, with loved ones scattered across continents—sometimes arriving too late to be present at the bedside.
• Technology and Digital Mourning: Technology reshapes how we grieve and remember. Social media profiles remain online long after someone has passed, creating both comfort and disorientation—such as when a deceased person’s account is suggested as a “friend with whom to reconnect.” Online memorial services, especially during the pandemic, allowed global participation but highlighted the absence of embodied rituals—e.g., comforting touch, shared meals, collective silence. Digital mourning can feel both connective and strangely hollow.

In summary, practicing with the Third Remembrance today goes beyond generating the wisdom that comes from facing mortality directly, but also means cultivating compassion for the personal and collective suffering that comes with peculiarly modern causes and conditions.

SUGGESTED PRACTICE:

Sit quietly and attend to your breath for a few minutes with your gaze lowered or your eyes closed.

When you’re ready, bring to mind a difficult being who passed away relatively recently. To the best of your ability, hold their memory with lovingkindness and generosity.

Then after a few minutes, bring to mind a neutral being who passed away relatively recently. Surround their memory with lovingkindness and generosity.

Then after a few minutes, bring to mind a beloved being who passed away relatively recently. Honor their memory with love and gratitude.

Finally, bring to mind your own eventual passing away. Imagine death not as a threat, but as a teacher.

As you engage in the meditation, silently remind yourself: “All bodies are of the nature to die. Not a single body escapes the inevitability of death.” Allow this truth to soften your heart. Hold your body and all other bodies that are vulnerable to death with tenderness and care. Rest in the awareness that death is natural. Let this awareness remind you to live fully and to love deeply.

RECOMMENDED POEM:

Mary Oliver’s When Death Comes

REFLECTION PROMPTS:

• What feels most challenging to you about death today? Which of the causes and conditions mentioned resonates most with you?
• How does contemplating death shape the way that you live? In what ways might an ongoing contemplation of death deepen your experience of life?
• How have our practices of mindfulness of compassion supported you in meeting and holding the inevitability of death?